


Falls

by NicoAndTheNineGalaxies



Series: Everything Falls Apart (Or, A Story In Three Parts, With No Specific Order) [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, Suicide, weirdly poetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-07 19:03:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16859617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies/pseuds/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies
Summary: This is a story written in three parts.The second is Falls.  Angels can't fly if you cut off their wings.For three - no, four - years, Dee had always been there.  Something for him to depend on.  Even when he’d first hit him (that was what had happened three years ago, on their one-and-a-half-year anniversary, and the memories were bittersweet), he’d still been such a constant.  Always there, always someone to run to when Patton was distracted and Logan was too busy and Roman...well, Roman was hardly ever an option in the first place.(In retrospect, Virgil thinks faintly, it should’ve spoken volumes that Dee was always his fourth and final choice, but he didn’t notice at the time.)





	Falls

“Why are you here?  Didn’t I tell you to leave?”

Virgil shrank under Dee’s ice-cold glare, half expecting the door to slam in his face before he even had a chance to explain himself.

_ Why _ had he thought this was a good idea?

“I-I...I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier.  About-about you being rude to Patton and L-Logan…”

“Great.  You’ve apologized, you can leave now.  Goodbye, Virgil.”

“Dee, wait.  Can’t I just - ?”

_ “Goodbye, _ Virgil,” Dee repeated firmly.

“I want to - “

Dee leaned closer and closer, until their noses were almost touching.  “I said goodbye. Now go away. I don’t want to hear any of your excuses this time.  It’s, like, the millionth time this sort of thing has happened. I thought you cared about me.”

Virgil’s eyes widened in alarm.  “Oh my god, Dee, I’m so sorry! I do care about you!  You just - you called Patton too childish and you said Logan’s basically a robot, and I was trying to stand up for them!”

“So your friends are more important than me?” Dee asked, his voice trembling slightly as he took a step back, away from Virgil.  “Yeah, I get it. But if you didn’t want to be with me anymore, you could’ve just said something.”

“That’s - that’s not at all what I meant.”

“No, it’s fine,” Dee said, waving him away dismissively.  “I was going to break up with you soon anyway.”

Virgil’s heart practically stopped, and his breath caught in his throat, tears blurring his vision.  “You…”

“Yeah.  I guess you spared me the trouble, though,” Dee said with a chuckle.  “Well, that’s fine. If it’s what you want.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Virgil asked quietly, hesitantly, his voice so much more stable than the ground beneath his feet felt.

“No,” Dee began slowly.  “I thought you were breaking up with me.”

“But I’m - “

“It’s fine,” Dee interrupted.  “Bye, Virgil.”

And then,  _ then _ came the slam of the door, and then came Virgil’s heart shattering, the cracks spreading across it like broken glass.

Had Dee broken up with him, or was it the other way around?

Either way…

What was he supposed to do?

For three - no,  _ four _ \- years, Dee had always been there.  Something for him to depend on. Even when he’d first hit him (that was what had happened three years ago, on their one-and-a-half-year anniversary, and the memories were bittersweet), he’d still been such a constant.  Always there, always someone to run to when Patton was distracted and Logan was too busy and Roman...well, Roman was hardly ever an option in the first place.

(In retrospect, Virgil thinks faintly, it should’ve spoken volumes that Dee was always his fourth and final choice, but he didn’t notice at the time.)

But why would he think that someone like Dee, someone who seemed to hate him one moment and adore him the next, would be dependable?  Why would he think that Dee would be honest and kind and caring, when half of the scars he bore were from him and half were self-inflicted and Dee  _ knew, _ he fucking knew what was happening, he knew how much he was hurting Virgil and how much Virgil was hurting himself, but he never seemed to care?

Dee never asked him to stop like Patton did, or explained what was going on inside his head in a calm, controlled manner like Logan did.

And, well, Roman never knew.  

If he had...how might he have reacted?

At some point, Virgil ended up back at home, in his bathroom.  He was pretty sure he was looking in the mirror, but through his blurry gaze, the haze of fog he fought to walk through, he couldn’t quite tell.

And at some point, he stopped looking in the mirror and sank to the ground, razor blade clutched in one shaking hand.  And honestly? He’d never wanted to die quite as much as he did just then.

He was ready for it.  He really was. He felt almost as though he’d been building up to it with the cutting, been building up his courage.

But something was stopping him.

So he built up his courage a little more.

After a while, Virgil just sat there, bored of the same thing over and over again, and he stopped.  He still had his razor blade in one hand, but his phone was ringing in the other. He couldn’t even remember who he’d called, but Patton’s voice was on the other end of the line, and he could connect the dots.

“Hey, kiddo!  What’s up?”

“D-Dee broke up with me, Pat,” Virgil explained, his sentence broken by a sob that tore free from his throat almost painfully.  “Or I broke up with him. I don’t even know.”

“Oh, Virge…” Patton’s voice trailed off after a moment.  “I...I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. Are you doing alright?”

“No,” Virgil whispered.  “I cut again, and I already miss him so much, and - and he hurt me, Patton.”

“I know, kiddo, I know.  But please don’t cut. Please.  You’ve got to hang on. Do you want me to come pick you up?  You can come hang out with me and Logan, and you can talk about it as much or as little as you want.”

“No, you don’t get it,” Virgil protested.  “He  _ hurt _ me.  Like, before this.  You remember it, right?  When I got back from his house on our anniversary and - and I felt terrible?  And you asked me what was wrong and why I had a black eye and I said it was just an accident?”

Patton’s soft gasp was enough to tell Virgil that, yes, he did remember.  “Oh, no, Virgil…”

“Yeah,” Virgil confirmed quietly.

“And he - he’s still doing that?”

“It’s been a few days...but yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“He was…” Virgil hesitated for a few minutes, and Patton’s gentle “please?” was the only thing that got him to continue.  “He was the only one that was always there for me...no matter what, I could always go to him, and he would listen and tell me it sounded so difficult and sure, maybe he’d hit me sometimes, and sure, he wanted me to put him before everything else, before myself even, but he was always there.  He was always by my side.”

“Okay, I’m - I’m coming to pick you up.”

“Please don’t!” Virgil blurted out, and maybe he was a little bit panicked, but he didn’t want Patton to know that.  “No, I’m fine. I will be.”

“Do you still have your razor blade with you?” Patton asked quietly, and Virgil hummed in confirmation, too scared to say anything.

“Set it down, okay?” He prompted.

Virgil tried to, he really, really did...but it was just too hard.  He looked at the bloodied lines already marring his wrist like tally marks, and he sorted them into groups of four.  They divided perfectly.

Quickly, before he could stop himself, before Patton could stop him, he sliced straight down, deep into his wrist, marking the fifth line for each group of four, and  _ wow _ that was a lot of blood.  In a morbid way, it was almost fascinating.

“Virgil?  Kiddo, say something.  Did you set it down?”

...Oh.

“Oh, god,” Virgil muttered.  “Oh, god, Patton...I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, there’s blood everywhere - “

“Okay, you’re going to be fine, just stay where you are.  I’m coming to pick you up, but it’ll be about forty-five minutes.  Do you think you can hold on that long?”

“No…”

“Oh.  Oh, my god, Virgil, what happened?”

“It’s really bad.  I don’t think I’ve ever cut this deep - do you know how long it usually takes to bleed to death?  I’m not quite sure. I wish I knew...I hope I don’t have to wait very long. I don’t like waiting.”

The words hung in the air between them for a while, and Virgil thought he might be able to hear it in the static over the phone.

_ Death. _

“I’m calling Roman,” Patton announced.  “He’s just down the street from you, isn’t he?”

“You can’t call Roman!” Virgil protested.  “You can’t call him, I - I love him. I can’t let him see me like this, please, he has no idea…”

“What?”

“Patton, I - I love Roman.  Oh, my god, I never loved Dee...how could I love him after everything he’s done?”

“Kiddo, I’ve got to call  _ someone.” _

“I could never love Dee,” Virgil continued, words spilling out of his mouth almost frantically now, “but I think I love Roman.  So can you - can you tell him I’m sorry, please?”

His vision was already fading.  He began to feel numb. He couldn’t focus.  

Wow.  He must’ve cut really deep.

Patton was still shouting from the other end of the line, but Virgil really only caught bits and pieces.

“No, kiddo - don’t go - don’t hang up - please don’t do this - “

The phone lay facedown on the ground, and Virgil simply waited, even though he hated waiting, and he thought he might’ve heard the beep that meant Patton had ended the call from the other line, and at some point the sound of sirens blared from somewhere outside, and the bathroom door was flung open, and Virgil looked up, and - oh.

Roman stood there, eyes filled with tears.

Virgil didn’t really mind dying.  He hadn’t minded the idea of dying since he was little.  It was inevitable, right? Sooner or later, he would die.

He hadn’t really expected it to be  _ so much _ sooner, but it was okay.

He’d die looking at the one person he’d really, truly loved, and that was okay.  Fantastic, even. The best way he could die.

“Virgil - “

That was all he was waiting for.

With one last smile gracing his face, the dark angel let himself fall.

**Author's Note:**

> Keep an eye out for the third and final part.  
> Galaxy ||-//


End file.
